WALKY THE TALKY

Are we resigned to the African skinned hill of Faith (pun intended)? Willowby the eloquent elegance of colloquial elocution. Murphy’s Law, and/or entropy as the Cismales’ tampon. Burning the Dark Knight oil: I am tryna to sleep facing the west – legs bent to the east a la corkscrew – shooting currents of pain. Haven’t… Continue reading WALKY THE TALKY

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The Real Patch Adams

It’s democratic.  If you’re good you’re good.  You can become a celebrity overnight.  What defines a professional?  Did Jesus practice in becoming a preacher or hired as a spokesperson or have a degree in public relations?  No he was born with it.  It was a gift.  It [still] is a gift. The door to your house… Continue reading The Real Patch Adams

De facto

Gutted from Bow to Stern. You wouldn’t last a single step in my shoes. The most dangerous act to make in this cruel world is to be true to be to thyself. Nosce te ipsum. Challenge the rulers of “should.”We are inundated with ideas about how you should lead. Be vigilant and do what may feellike… Continue reading De facto

Primal Apartheid

Primal Apartheid Ivory was once as in demand as plastic. Tragically, in the span of a single century, poachers have decimated the unicorn population. Albeit an international ban is enacted on the sale of unicorn tusks – White and black Poachers alike have turned to desperate measures like arrows and spears with poisoned tips to… Continue reading Primal Apartheid

Impaled

Homo eroticism has infiltrated the failed fraternity pledges like a circle jerk. Using it as a scapegoat to actually be who we are born to be. No more phony slogans. I can take us to Zion and be like Frodo and throw the ring of darkness into the pit of Fire. Satire is silencing our… Continue reading Impaled

Aptitude of Servants

Money brings out the worst In people. A gate way to drugs. The entire idea of addiction depends solely on one’s ability to budget their financial affairs. We see it permeate in popular culture everyday with Don Imus sleight of hand. Or John Madden. Or Bobby Knight. Giving way to reverse racism or affirmative action.… Continue reading Aptitude of Servants

Lost in Interpretation

I truly despise the movie Lost in Interpretation so much I won’t even say it publicly. Not in a dark, evil sense. Just a valuable waste of resources to jampack every major motion picture into the cliche, superficial category of superlatives. The best ever… One of the Best…. The greatest to date … This is… Continue reading Lost in Interpretation

How Art Survives?

How Has Art Survived the Ages? Research finds a high prevalence of mental illness in artistic individuals pursuing a creative career, such as painters, sculptors, musicians, composers, plus those involved with theater. Writers are 121% more likely to be bipolar, as well as twice as likely to attempt suicide. Mental illnesses have a large impact… Continue reading How Art Survives?

Condemnation

Shiva is a major Hindu god who is often depicted as male and female at once. This indicates that Shiva is above and outside the physical world, beyond human limitations. According to Hindu mythology, Lord Shiva is considered as a godly manifestation of a man or a true masculine force. In a literal sense, Shiva means that which… Continue reading Condemnation

Dim

er Half Wit? You say you like to joke* Begins to smell like certain death for superficiality is a trillion (yes I said trill) times worse off than pretentiousness! Pretentiousness however is only slightly worse than presumptuousness. #TakeNotes Life is h-e double hockey sticks if thou doth knowest any shortcuts. Annie are you OK? to… Continue reading Dim

On Directing An Audience of Light-Bulb Shaped Walnut-Sized Brains

The inhibition of cortical frontal areas stops during laughter. Due to the interdisciplinary nature, or neuroanatomy, brain imaging MRI & PET scans prove [how] humor is realized. Production involves Duchenne + voluntary. The former stimulates the amygdala, thalamic (gray) matter + brain-stem. Voluntary laughs fan the premotor opercular in the temporal lobe – moving to… Continue reading On Directing An Audience of Light-Bulb Shaped Walnut-Sized Brains

The Depressionist

I once hoped standup comedy would offer up a master key to the differences between various comics. A number of well-known & not so well-known hybrids. The genes that vary between most also tend to vary most within chuckle huts. Carefully sculpted to engage the machinations of turbulence. Let’s concrete the stakes: Humor are the… Continue reading The Depressionist

To Time-Travel Is To Concoct A Time Capsule

Comedy clubs are designed with the aim of being able to screen out distorting variants. Comics control the esoteric ambience to stabilize consistency. Crystallize identifiable patterns reacting to an ever-changing scene. To time-travel is to concoct a time capsule. Persistence of the organism over a birth-cycle requires an inconceivable precise balance of division rather than… Continue reading To Time-Travel Is To Concoct A Time Capsule

Side-Winders Unite

My gen is downright being held accountable but not responsible for the hyper-sexualization of serotonin against the deferment of psychology. What has become known [today] as smelling reality. This, in turn, plummets melatonin levels. So now restless legs – eyes peeled – all due to elongated facial features drawing the accompaniment of ire “Why the… Continue reading Side-Winders Unite

The Inside Joke

Seek the arrest for half of the stuff you say on the mic. Put the T in hustle. Like a crucifixion. Your mindset thru & through. It forever remains an uphill battle cause victory has 1000 fathers; Defeat is an orphan. Head over heels nose dive into the industry. Now this is the tricky crossroads:… Continue reading The Inside Joke

A Bit

Being a dark & plainclothes gentleman is a stinker – we are ballerinas wound up by the opposite species to dance around others all day. We take refuge in refuge. Once a decade or century you will stumble upon a real humdinger known from here on out only as drugs. Once you kneel to grab… Continue reading A Bit

Escape

Walls are adorned with pictures of people you recognize – torn out of history. Some feature intricately crafted props that shouldn’t be touched; other times, when drunk, you are encouraged to rip things apart to discover clues hidden in seat cushions & under floorboards. You fiddle with one of the countless switches found mounted on… Continue reading Escape

Q&A

01) What inspires me to perform stand-up comedy? Growing I loved all sports. I wanted to be an athlete but I could never choose which sport. Standup comedy is diplomacy. It is a sport in itself. I exercise my jugular or esophagus muscles, manipulating low frill sounds using a boom mic. I am the best… Continue reading Q&A

Crackin’ Up

Are open mic’ers standup comedians? Less realistic than mollifying; an age-old issue of aristocratic succession. There are risks involved in carving up fiefdoms, no matter the talent. Think of established comedians as the scene’s board of directors, lined up in our favor automatically. Swing votes. If this scenario came to pass, we retain top talent… Continue reading Crackin’ Up

Salt in the Womb

It is funny cause it’s true is funny cause it’s true! “Gross out” “Toilet” “Shock” Humor seems like an armature move but it actually requires advanced comedy technique to pull off. I am that one next door’s distant cousin, related by marriage to them Samaritans across the way, who hang with the folk in the… Continue reading Salt in the Womb

Spinning Wheel

Ringtones aren’t just a signal that someone wants to talk to you — they say something about who you are. A sign of how profound a simple interface choice changes an environment. Cellular corporations keep the wheels of the system spinning via ‘creative self-destruction’ embedded in the established structure of the human component of the… Continue reading Spinning Wheel

Narcissus

The epochal storm of tech spawned a dotcom wave cresting in 1998. 2 decades later, my ink captures the fervor of said era. Unlike James Frey – “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth so help me Shiva.” The way Galileo put it: “Before understanding communication, understand the… Continue reading Narcissus

Houdini Of Comedy

Never Repeat Jokes began on December 2009. Still runs today. During this decade, I faced radical innovations, like the reality television boom, cable, on Demand, & satellites. There is also the rise of independent film & the revolution of digital technology. At each step, I insist NRJ be ahead of the curve of each innovation.… Continue reading Houdini Of Comedy

Hollywood Is The Capital of Earth

There’s an epidemic in advertising & marketing. The industry has become overrun with the quantifiably brilliant. An outbreak of geniuses, rock & gurus, all swarming Twitter feeds, in-boxes & Like buttons. Every one of them hell-bent on triggering an explosion of brand awareness, leaving a mushroom cloud of ROI in their wake. What hath the… Continue reading Hollywood Is The Capital of Earth

New World Order

Among the rabble of the original web metropolis, you’ll find that straight panic haunts the latest phase of digitization. Virtual reality, AI, the blockchain, drones, cyberwarfare. Eminently hackable. The word alone is destabilizing. We suffer the vapors. The cycle of doubt & self-doubt is palpable. Somatic. It’s clear what we’re doing with tech is not… Continue reading New World Order

Wit’s End

“A lot of people say I’m not a real comedian. That’s fine. I do it for my resume,” I say, with the stilted monotone of a man reading his own obituary. I once sold out a Chicago theater at $20 a ticket, making said audience of 200 plus laugh every 12 seconds for 6 minutes.… Continue reading Wit’s End

Making Funnies

My dad’s entire existence is to hate on my comedy. His profession as a psychologist is to analyze the broken order of things. The fact my life centers around standup comedy makes him hate me before he fertilized my mom’s womb. He actually gets off daily knowing that he can quote Martin Lawrence: “I’m a… Continue reading Making Funnies

Kettle of Responsibility

Fervent fandoms are more willing to directly support artists they value than they are to pay blanket fees for broad services. Social media develops the aspect of peer-to-peer selling commerce – a profound implication of new media – allowing one to scale / foreshadow varying degrees of privacy policy. Express cultural indifference via technology; make… Continue reading Kettle of Responsibility

STOP THE SELFIE

These boards link to lights, infrared sensors, magnetic locks & other hidden mechanisms, connected by a massive tangle of wires, thousands of feet worth of cat-5, speaker wire, & bell wire. I have written 5,000 lines of code, running around 300 I/O pins. “I keep coding, & adding more stuff,” I tell the bookie. The… Continue reading STOP THE SELFIE

E.I. as A.I.

AI now can come up with a joke on its’ own. Neural network models progress at breakneck speed. Standup generates telepathy conveying EI, heartbeats, breaths, across connected distances. And there is technology for inducing sensation in the brain via magnetic induction where augmentation proceeds from external & stationary to mobile &, eventually, to internal. Emoji… Continue reading E.I. as A.I.

State of Publishing

Self-published or indie authors are not 2nd class … We have a credibility problem. The “how” of book marketing is on shaky ground. The truth of the bowels & morass of the chapbook industry? Salability is a business, not a market bazaar. Lit Agents are gold miners with meticulous fingernails. They want gold handed to… Continue reading State of Publishing

SitDown Comedy?

I begin with a yes or no question: Do you believe in sit down comedy? Thank you. So … you believe that the art of standup comedy commands routine? Wrong! As if venues or halls or auditoriums or nightclubs or pubs or theaters are going to quota how much we laugh? Comedy is in a… Continue reading SitDown Comedy?

Hate Mail

“Stories build the world,” right? It inspires, motivates & helps. The greatest people of this world were inspired by stories before they built their own. The bed-time stories recited by the elder members in the family always fascinated your aspirations. I’m fighting for a dream that is Never Repeat Jokes. What’s worse than bullying? Psychological… Continue reading Hate Mail

Compass Of Time

Aristotle introduced us to the basics of the singular flow of time like a river flowing from point A to point Z. Fancy that maybe Earth is flat & it is time only that moves in a globular fashion? Who is to say a minute is a minute; that a life spans 100 years not… Continue reading Compass Of Time

I Say Meme You Say Meme

Nowadays we are online – not public, not private – somewhere in between. Can we say “Virtual Reality” à la Jamiroquai? A typical spontaneous persona will engage a community. We differ considerably from when spontaneity did not require a methodical dog-eat-dog spite for whom you make your opponent out to be … Which is yourself!… Continue reading I Say Meme You Say Meme

HEROIX

I love casting against type -not “type-casting” by definition – to sound delinquent wearing a grimace – I go against the grain. I go against the flow like salmon. I go against the norm demolishing, smashing, squashing the odds into gelatinous pudding. Not to be a delinquent but I’m cringe-worthy; performing unexpected, enigmatic plays; apt… Continue reading HEROIX

The Tonight Show

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My Name Is

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It Takes A Brothel

These days, taking sides on a subject is unfeasible unless you desire to be torn by an opposing party, doggedly passionate about her own views. How united do we really stand? What stand should we take as Americans? Accept the vapid ideology that fear-mongereriner Trump is just one single joke. Matriarchy? I don’t comprehend how to… Continue reading It Takes A Brothel

DRIBBLE FOR SUCCESS

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Disenfranchise

These days, comedians / comediennes never get on RADIO or TELEVISION & talk about their 1st stand up performance. I consider this one of the great ironies of life. Instead gurus lecture the amateurs, hectoring us about “timing” or “executing” your “material”. We all freely use phrases & terms that a generation ago, nobody would… Continue reading Disenfranchise

Role Models

When did you know you were funny? A question comedians are always asked which is like a screw-driver to the temple in attempting to rile a formidable reply. If you know anything about me, know I always change that answer (which got me kicked off TWTCL podcast.) I just arrived home from an Induction Ceremony… Continue reading Role Models

Ramzy Sweis You Can’t See God CSN Finalist

Chicago Screenwriter’s Network Finalist. 1/9/11. On the cover of June 2011 Creative Screenwriting Magazine: http://02e4d4a.netsolhost.com/creativescreenwriting/digital/2011.may-june/index.html. (Pgs. 50 & 51 for full story.) source

I Never Repeat A Joke

Best Comic EVER? Or Napoleon Complex? source

Ram v.s. Bikers

11/28/12 source

#45 Ram/Tinfish ROAST

Scroll to 2:45 to see Tinfish break the rail! 2nd Roast. 1st has 3K hits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS2Fdzt7XH0! source

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