Victorian door frames are visible from the corner blocks. Comedians rush from the hotel lobby, I trot next to them – even try to weave between them. In order to secure my place on this show, I need to be as close to them as possible. Mismatched antique drawers built into the wasted space beneath the staircase. People point in exaggerated surprise. Nearby extras ask each other, “Who is opening? Who is the opener?” A camera crew gathers behind monitors to assess the focus.
Comedians backstage are in the grips of full-blown psychotic breakdowns. Every manner of human suffering & social breakdown is on full display in this teeming colony of the ill. Not ill as in physically unhealthy but ill as in the gift of gab. Amicable. Amiable. Affable. Glib, gregarious diplomat.
Police sirens wail as the headliner strikes gold with a wisecrack … “Prostitutes escort clients into port-a-potty parlors a block from LAPD. I can’t believe the world’s richest city let people live this way.”
Wit is the brevity of soul. It is bizarre to recoil from a sound we cannot hear.
The host of our troupe marches onstage bedecked in jewels, her loud voice cutting through the overlapping doldrums of chatter. “That was the opener. I’m glad you’re still with me.” Illicit laughter erupts from more than half. “OK I need you to perk up in your chairs.”
I wipe my palms on my shorts & eye my path under the shining light. When a main comedian rushes across the linoleum, audience members rear their necks & snake their torso so much so that they bump. A strobe flashes.
The cultural landscape of the people’s faces morph every second, distorted, mixing the elderly with the youth. Modern cities showcase a diverse range of architectural design. I approach my opening joke with the goal of raising the roof; outfitting stained glass windows. I decoupage the floor with antique sheet music, using barn fables to fabricate contemporary lit soffits & tile a modern fireplace.
The biggest high is the facial disfigurement. I require both form & function here & I achieve that by treating both sides of the brain. My jokes span the entirety of a millenium.
I press my hand against the stage & sarcastically knock. “I needed a place to house my telly & stereo so let’s start with some simple oak slabs, shall we?” I stain the oak hazel & accentuate it with natural mahogany for a clean comedy club.