“The seminal moment of my life was the first time I stepped into a cinema: I knew I can do anything. Go anywhere.” -Christopher Nolan
If I were to get personal, I say the seminal moment of my life was being barred from WGN radio.
The seminal moment of life itself is having the choice to pay outside of gas stations. The ethanol kills my brain cells. The Mediterraneans remind me of the $6 a gallon it costs back in my homeland Jordan. They call it Benzyne. Much cooler than “gas”. I call it Petrol.
Inhaling fumes is coarse enough for our lungs but then if you recall entering a gas station if you have ever done so yourself. If so always dodge the Doritos crispitos because it’s endless fried flour, hot sauce & chickenless. Also the candy aisle is my Horcrux. Without a beat, betwixt the Twixt caramel wafers that stick in the fillings of your teeth & Twinkie pound cake injected with High Fructose corn syrup sans an expiration date that text your gag reflex… You’re practically looking at a dinosaur egg. You know you’re at an up-scale gas station if the market has powdered doughnuts or any kind except the kind that has been there since yesterday. Remember the old age: “Leave no stone unturned.” You will uncover fruit flies beneath these monoliths of complex carbohydrates & cinnaswirls. Two words that should never go together. If you’re at a gas station with a CRo-Nut. Half croissant plus half of a doughnut. Eat the Cro-Nut. Not croissant wich. This is the exception to the rule. If there are advertisements of engineered foods that have been abbreviated in the name of convenience then take that step toward goodness. Eat the cro-nut. Or what Denis Leary calls the Croissan-Wich. Don’t forego the opportunity to stuff your noisemaker with a greasy French pastry. Or delicatessen. Like we need that shit in our life. On the subject of adding meaning to words that never existed: Look up the definition of the word “snowball.” Run as if one thousand bats have just vacated your man cave. And by man cave I don’t mean your corn hole. You know that place where you store ears of corn.